Teaching Children Respect
It is always with astonishment that I see parents bully and belittle their children and then complain that those same children are hateful or disrespectful!
Honestly, how loving and respectful can a child feel about someone who constantly criticizes and frightens them? What must it be like for a little kid to be yelled at constantly? I wonder how it must feel to have Mom or Dad, the most important people in your life, always demanding that you DO something, eat right now – or else! Go to sleep this instant! Can you imagine always being threatened and being told to shut up! Sit down! Go away! Wow! It is an echo of our own childhood that is behind this crazy parenting behavior. We feel justified because it feels so normal and familiar. In reality there is no justification for such abuse towards the smallest and weakest among us. We should not condone this treatment of children and we should challenge ourselves to become better more enlightened parents.
The attitude of “spare the rod and spoil the child” is rampant in our society. Many parents that would never physically strike their child may still use the “rod” of words. Words can sting much more than a spanking and may never be forgotten. Think of your own childhood, and chances are that you still have a few hurtful sentences running around in your head! I know I do.
Children are born sensitive beings. From the moment they are conscious they are watching us. Learning from every example, every word spoken, every attitude that we project. The idea that children should “Do as I say, not as I do” is ridiculous! It might make a struggling parent feel better to say that, but it’s just not the way it is. Children learn what they see. They model the behavior that is in front of them. Parents are the most important and influential role models for their children. Hands down. I suspect that the saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” is more from modeling than genetics! I certainly hear my Mothers words randomly coming out of my mouth!
Being a parent is a very challenging journey. It never ends, and children will always reflect back the dysfunction within a family. Perhaps the greatest challenge is not just the daily work of raising kids, the feeding, clothing, watching their every move, but rather in the personal growth that is demanded of a parent. My own on going journey through Motherhood has brought me to my knees more than once, and forced me to examine and challenge my own attitudes about everything. It has pushed me to mature and grow in ways I couldn’t have imagined possible, and at the end of the day has brought meaning, joy and connection to my life that has made it all worthwhile. More than worthwhile…Priceless!…
Teaching Children Respect
Did you know if you massage your family members and they return the favor, your family can become a very happy family? Studies have shown families that massage one another are far more likely to have close relationships with each other.
Sharing is caring too. But the problem is, you might not know how to go about it. For example, your family member might not want to remain still when you are trying to massage them. Likewise, it is also difficult to get your brother or sister to massage you. Everyone has their own privacy, their own space and their own things to do. But you are the only one that is into this whole massage thing. What can you do about it? How can you convince everyone to jump into the massage boat with you?
Here’s the magic steps you can take to convert them into masseurs and masseuses.
Give a foot massage to the member who always seems to be watching the television on the couch.
If you are a parent, give your children a nice massage after they finish their homework.
If your wife cooks a good dinner, give her a good back rub after everyone has eaten.
Go slow at first and massage them while they are fully clothed. You don’t have to force them to be naked and lie on the bed if you want to massage them!
If they don’t want the massage, respect their decision even though they clearly need one. But do point out to them the cause of the pain and where to apply pressure on their bodies to solve the problem.
What if someone finally agrees to your massage? Then you should always start with a gentle and soft stroke. You can always go harder the next time around.
You must be the one who are willing to offer the massage first. Don’t expect them to convince themselves by instructing them to massage you at first!
Remember, you must be the giver. There can be no other ways.…
This is a question very common to parents, grandparents and even to aunt’s and uncle’s. So how would you really know if your kid or grandson/granddaughter or nice/nephew is really smart?
Determining if the child is smart is quite hard in the first one year and below since he/she can’t talk that well or express himself strongly, but as he/she grows you would know if he is really smart by observing the following signs…
Starts to reason out every time you correct him/her
Ask a lot of question and sometimes, his/her questions are something you can’t answer
Observes everything in his/her surroundings
Imitates you or whoever that he/she thinks is doing something cool or different
Loves to learn, you would find him/her asking you to teach him how to do something such as; read, write or spell
When you try to ask him/her a question you would find his/her answers pretty amazing and you would end up wondering where he/she got it
Understands your instructions and will never whine in front of other people
Always wants to take the lead and be ahead of other kids but also knows how to give way
You would see him/her educating other kids if that kid did something not really nice
Does what he/she is told but you would always see him/her doing something out of curiosity
Now these are just one of the many signs you can see from a smart kid, now let me just inform you that kids who are really bright tend to be really persistent on asking questions and would not stop until you give them an answer that will satisfy them. In this situation it pays to be extra patient and though they are getting into your nerves just think of the brighter side that you have a gifted child.…
Positive parenting is focused on encouraging and rewarding positive behavior in children rather than punishing unwanted behavior. Positive parenting isn’t about being overly permissive, though. All children need certain boundaries, both for their own safety and to teach them what is and isn’t acceptable. By focusing more on positive behavior, however, you’ll be more effective in leading your children to the right direction. Let’s look at some of the basic principles of positive parenting.
If you want to be a positive parent, you must devote some time out for yourself. If you are stressed out, you will not be able to give the right kind of attention to your kids. Your energy and patience are in limited supply and you also have to learn not just to take care of your children but yourself as well. It can be difficult to look after yourself when you’ve got kids because they take up most of your time and energy. Yet you should make sure you are eating well and getting enough rest and exercise. If you are under stress, whether it’s from your family, job or other issues, make sure you address this. Look after your well-being because doing so will give you more energy to devote to your children.
Reading is an essential skill that can be a source of great pleasure. While your child is young, make it a habit to read to them. This will encourage your child to love reading. As your child gets older, the two of you can read together. sure, your child will learn how to read when he goes to school, but it’s never a bad idea to help your child get started on reading. You’re bonding with your child when you read with them. Not only that, but you’re teaching them to appreciate books and enjoy learning. You can uncover interests and talents in your child if you expose him or her to a variety of reading materials that are appropriate for their age.
One aspect of positive parenting you should not overlook is encouraging healthy habits in your child. This includes eating a healthy diet and getting enough physical activity. This may be hard to do these days because your child is surrounded by a lot of temptations that could cause them to develop habits that are not healthy at all. What you can do, however, is make better food choices and cook healthy meals for your child. You need to make sure your child is active as well. It’s not healthy for your child to spend most of his or her time watching TV or on the computer. You’ll need to set limits and not let your child be dependent on passive forms of entertainment. You’ve just learned a few effective ways you can be a more positive parent to your children. Expect to face many difficulties along the way, as it’s not an easy thing to be a parent. Keep in mind, though, that if you consistently listen and communicate with your child and encourage and reward good behavior, you’ll find your job becomes a bit easier.…
In my last article I wrote about the teamwork that is needed to make sure we don’t treat a broken relationship like chess and use children as pawns. We have the parents, the friends, family, new partners and sadly the children emotions all tied up in this horrible game of tug of war. Have you ever seen a real tug of war? It only ends up one way wherein one side is stronger than the other and the losing side usually ends up being dragged over a line that has been placed on the ground that they don’t want to go. The losing side then fall over and the game is over, stronger side wins. The other interesting part of a tug of war are the players on each team. The players have to really dig their feet into the ground to make sure they get a good strong hold of their position to make sure that the other team is always struggling for grip which makes the potential of losing even higher.
Now, do you see the similarities of tug of war and a couple who broke up?
Line drawn in the sand, feet dug in, make life as difficult as possible for those on the “other” side and in the middle we have the child or children watching this horrible back and forth and positioning.
Well what if the tug of war was a different game? What if on one side of the rope was all those involved in a relationship breakdown and what if the other side had as its team members all the nasty things that get involved those being, Bitterness, Anger, Rage, Pay back, Abuse, Denial, and the team captain BLAME. What if all those team members got dragged across a line and ended up in a big huge hole those got covered in dirt and was never seen again? Wow that would be prefect wouldn’t it? Am I dreaming is it possible? Could all sides totally cast away all ill feelings for each other and focus on the major goal? Is that goal being for the Children not to end up as pawns in a game of chess?
I believe it is possible and I have done it and so have many others and it comes back to what I closed my last article with. What we need to look at is TEAMWORK, but I will give you the heads up, it’s not going to be easy but nothing worth having is ever easy. The plan for teamwork will take eating a bit of humble pie, it will involve meeting and discussing situations and circumstances with people you have most likely vowed you would not spit on if they were on fire, but sorry better get that spit ready!
So how do we arrange the team, well the major players and usually the biggest enemies that being the Boy and Girl involved in the relationship, and that means you’re going to have to sit down and put all the other stuff aside that has nothing to do with the kids and work out a structured plan of how the role as “parents” will not only survive this trauma but prosper. Let me remind you I say the role as “Parents” as it’s totally separate from “Partner” and the game of chess is fueled by the inability to separate those two roles, so are we clear? NO choice or option on this if we want to move forward to TEAMWORK we have to bite the bullet on separation of roles, OK now I have your buy in on that we can move forward.
In your team meeting you have to look at every activity that normal parenting has as part of its role. That will be school, sport, family events, discipline, love, birthdays, doctor, dentist the list can be long but all of it is part and parcel of “Parents” not “parent” and once the list is complete there must be total agreement that both of you are responsible for all of it, yes there may be actions that are done by an individual but the planning, discussion and follow up is a PARENTS responsibility not a PARENT.
The next step of this meeting is to discuss what events would create the environment for a tug of war to begin? Let me help you out and remind you of the McDonalds access children change, if you think that will involve trauma both of you better eat some humble and stick to easiest of Changing station that being HOME. OK so he left you or she left you well sorry get over it, the house may have bad memories with the partner but to kids its home so get sued to picking them up and roping …
The concept of finding our niche in life is not a new one. As a child we start to think about what we want to be when we grow up. Some of us actually grow up and become what we dreamed about. This group is the lucky one. Unfortunately, too many people go through life with their activities governed not by their abilities, but by their circumstances. They take the first job offered and that becomes their career. If it turns out to be the wrong decision, it becomes an albatross hanging around their neck and weighs them down emotionally and financially. They do not decide what they want and go after it, but live “under” their circumstances.
When twenty percent of the individuals in a group provides 80% of the value or does 80% of the work, it is obvious that only a small percentage of individuals truly find their niche in life. How do we go about becoming one of those producers? There are a few points that can help us all determine what we should be doing. Whether we are talking about being part of a functional, happy family; being the top producer in our company; or being highly proficient in a sport; finding what our gifts and abilities are is the first step toward achievement.
The process of finding and utilizing our talents requires: (1) believing we have talents; (2) finding out what those talents are; and (3) selecting those talents that we enjoy using the most to use and improve upon. After that, the rest is easy. We do what we enjoy the most and have the talent for. As Mark Twain once said and I paraphrase; “A man who does what he enjoys never has to work”. So, lets take the process of finding our niche one step at a time.
We have to believe we have gifts, talents, & abilities. It has been said by some psychologists that each of us has thousands of abilities. Admittedly, some of these abilities may be small ones and may seem insignificant to a lot of people, but they are talents and abilities nevertheless. Some abilities are obvious to us. Some are only obvious to others. We can make use of our abilities the best when we are aware of what they are. Unless we realize that we have abilities that can be significant in life, our successes and failures for the most part will be accidental occurrences.
What are we good at doing? Sometimes we are blinded to our own abilities. Most of us do not give ourselves proper credit. We cannot see the value of our abilities in the same way an outsider does. Making a list of what we think are our abilities is a good start. A better way is to ask those who know us the best what they think we are good at. We may be surprised at the answers. Add both lists together. Once we have the combined list, the next step is easy.
We do what we enjoy. It we like to travel and write, we become a travel writer. If we are highly proficient in a sport, we may become a professional at it or become a teacher of others who are interested in the sport. If we like nothing better than making a presentation before a large crowd, we may become a professional speaker or trainer. The key is doing what we like within the parameters of our individual talents. There is nothing worse than spending our lives doing activities that we hate.
If we really want to find our niche in life, we can’t depend on other to decide what our niche is. We must actively search out our talents and abilities, decide which ones we enjoy the most, and build our family life, our careers, and our recreation around those abilities. When we find our true niche, we become a better person, and one that others want to be around.…
If you’re like me, I really thought that, despite my decision to breastfeed, my husband was so gung ho about being a Dad that we would share the parenting responsibilities pretty equally once our first child was born. I was in for a rude awakening. Breastfeeding meant that much of the time I was literally attached to my new baby, and when I was not, I had an easier time calming him than my husband did. And even when I didn’t, I couldn’t stand to have my husband trying to comfort our fussy baby without stepping in and trying to help. Whether due to biology or psychology, I was so attached to my new baby that I couldn’t tear myself away long enough to really get a break. As a result, I became more comfortable in the baby care role, and he became less.
There are many reasons why fathers often take a backseat in the early days with a new baby. Whether because of a hormonally-afflicted “helicopter” Mom, an inexperienced Dad, a baby who is more easily calmed by the mother, or gender-related attitudes about who does what, newborn care often falls disproportionately to the mother. And since Mom is generally recovering from childbirth, likely adjusting to breastfeeding, undoubtedly sleep deprived, and in the throes of huge hormonal changes, this disproportionate share can become a BIG PROBLEM. You know that saying that “if Mom isn’t happy, nobody is happy?” I think the truth of that statement is widely underestimated.
So, we’ve got a Mom who can’t let go to allow her partner to care for the baby, a Dad who is either mildly incompetent or feels he is (or is being treated like he is), a baby who’s getting used to being cared for by Mom, and a Mom who is at the end of her rope and feels like she just can’t get a break (and is not sure she would take one if she could). Not a recipe for a happy family.
Negotiating who does what, recognizing the barriers to fairly allocating parenting and household responsibility and actually making and carrying out a plan to address those barriers and create a cooperative, supportive and fair allocation of workload is one of the major tasks of the first year of parenthood. Working out a plan for who does what, figuring out how to set goals for change if change is needed, and implementing those changes, can make a world of difference.
I once read a study (and I don’t have a citation, but I like to believe that it is true) that claimed that of all the factors that might predict the well-being of children as they grow up (e.g. praise, affection, discipline, structure, etc.), the one variable that is most predictive of a child’s future well-being is the degree to which his or her parents have a cooperative relationship around parenting. So, if that is true, it matters less who does what (or if it is done correctly), and it matters more that parents are supportive of each other as parents and partners.…