How do you keep your marriage alive after having kids?
Don’t you miss the long talks with a glass of wine? The late night movies? Going out for drinks? Last minute getaways? Even all the production and excitement before going out for a romantic date? (makeup, shoes, nice underwear, pretty clothes). Dancing together? Having plenty of time and energy to dedicate to each other?
Well, if you do miss it, be very sure that so does he!!
As much as we love our kids, the minute they arrive our relationship is changed forever. Most of our energy and love goes to this new tiny being that takes all of our time and space. As much as we would like to forget about the rest of the world and enjoy our new baby, it is extremely important not to loose track of what matters in the long run.
We need to remember that there is no better gift we can give to our children than a healthy and happy family. When they see that their parents love and respect each other that sets a valuable example for their own relationships in their future.
A few things we can do to stay in touch:
* Have a Romantic date night.
Pick one night of the week and stick to it. It is important that you get out of the house for this to be successful! Use this time for reconnecting, sharing and as a reminder of what brought you together in the first place. Get someone you trust to stay with your kids so you can truly disconnect and enjoy your time together.
* Have a business date night.
Pick one night of the week, after your kids are sleeping, to discuss the business side of marriage. This one is OK to do at home, but with no distractions, no TV, no phone, or computers. A little preparation beforehand is useful, you can write the things that you need to discuss so you don’t forget.
Talk about finances, concerns, repairs that need to be made, bills that need to be paid, work schedules and anything that needs fixing. This is a really healthy practice, if it becomes a habit it will make life a lot easier and enjoyable, and you will not use your romantic date night to discuss this matters.
Basically like my husband would call it, it is a time to “Clear the Space”.
Sometimes we are upset or cranky over misunderstandings or the stupidest things, and this is the opportunity to put it all out there and make it better. Being up to date with each others feelings and struggles leaves no room for resentment or anger.
* Take care of yourself.
Even if you are tired, don’t feel like it, or think you don’t care, make the time and push yourself to look presentable, and even gorgeous once in a while. You will feel more attractive and this will translate in a more energetic, confident and happy you! If you have the intention of keeping your spark alive you need to at least smell good! Pamper yourself from time to time, get a pedicure, do your hair, take a bubble bath, go to the gym, have lunch with a friend, etc… It is the small details that make a world of difference.
Family