Are You Letting Your Past Sabotage Your Satisfying Senior Sex
One of the questions I’m often asked is some version of “Dr. Pat, what can I do so the sexual abuse I experienced as a little kid doesn’t still get in the way of the intimacy I want with my honey?”
It’s not uncommon to start to uncover an awareness of, or reawaken feelings about, past traumas, especially sexual trauma or abuse, when you are working making things better.
Does this mean it’s time to give up on having a loving, intimate relationship with your honey? Not necessarily.
However, it also doesn’t mean you can just ignore what happened in the past. Ignoring your past can include refusing to admit it really happened, minimizing what happened or the impact of what happened, or pretending to yourself that you haven’t let it bother you.
No matter how you ignore what’s happened, it’s at your own peril, and you can put both your relationship, your intimate life, and/or your own mental health in jeopardy.
For many couples, this experience of past trauma can get in the way, not only for having a satisfying sexual life, but also for enjoying other aspects of their relationships.
If this is you, be sure to seek professional help or join a support group for people who have been through a similar experience. This means you will have to talk about experiences or events that are uncomfortable, and even shameful, but you will have the support you need to get past letting this continue to run your life.
While it is impossible to go back and change what happened, or even get the person who hurt you to take responsibility for what he did, you don’t have to continue letting this stop you from disengaging from what happened to you.
Keep remembering: this was something that happened to who you are. Children are never responsible for inviting abuse or being abused.
It comes down to making a decision about how much who did what when will impact your ability to have a close and satisfying relationship now.
Only you can make that decision.
Here’s hoping you’ll decide for yourself. Not the person who hurt you.