Stress Does Not Have To Ruin Our Lives!
In this life there are three things we can always expect to do… 1) Eat 2) Sleep 3) Pay taxes! The choices we make in life have a great impact over how we live our lives. Emotional stress can take a toll on our finances, our social lives, and over physical well being. Stress can and will Kill You eventually, but that is only if you allow it to! You have to give stress permission to Kill You, we do this by HOLDING ON TO IT!
Lets look at a common scenario for example:
Your husbands ship allows him to come home not soon after you got to work this morning. He calls you with his wonderful news as you are getting settled in your cubicle! Trying not feel disgusted (with a side order of envy) you ask him just to pick up the house (nothing MAJOR!) and you begin your day. After the normal hustle and bustle of the nine to five rat race, lets fast forward, its been a typical work day (Draining) you have fought your way through traffic, and you finally make it home.
With rose colored glasses, it would be nice if dinner was cooked, the dishes were washed, a load of laundry or two was done, kids homework was done, and all you have to do is eat! This would mean you could unwind, eat slowly, take a leisure bath or shower and then pick up a good book. Your husband loves you and knows how hard you work so this is not a task that is asking too too much! You yourself do it for him all the time!
walk in your house and the first thing that grasps your attention are the toys on the floor, closed book bags and coats strewn all over! Your maternal sixth sense tells you no homework is done! And to top it off your husband is playing World of Warcraft, (which you can tell by his attire and the things around him, means he has been playing since he got home this morning) as the Chihuahua chews the tassels off your couch pillows. Your feet begin to slide in your heels as you can feel your blood beginning to boil. STOP RIGHT THERE!
Normally you would be fuming mad, slam your stuff down and just begin cooking, multitasking as always, you begin helping the kids with their home work, and the game of ignoring your husband begins. Its your way of letting him know that you are beyond disgusted with him. Its almost routine, you can expect it, your chest begins to hurt, and you get the normal feeling of being let down.
You instinctively reach in your closet for pain relievers. You pop several migraine relievers and keep huffing your disgust out loud, but what changes? NOTHING! Everything is still the same because the person internalizing your disgust is YOU! The person allowing the surrounding environment to give them a tension headache is YOU. The person allowing the knots to build in their neck and shoulders is YOU. If you look dog still thinks tassels are cool. The kids are just doing what they are allowed to do until order is set, and your husband is unwinding in his own way. SO I ask again why are you allowing a situation to KILL YOU? DON’T!
Lets have a DO OVER!
We know YOUR USUAL WAY DOES NOT WHY KEEP DOING IT? He is not stressing, his character in WOW can be resurrected, so your yelling will not cause him to miss a beat! The only person who will be stressed out is you! As we set into a routine of internalizing stress and anger and it builds up, it shortens OUR LIFE EXPECTANCY RATE. WE ARE KILLING OURSELVES! CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES CAREFULLY! And despite whatever you may see on TV, once that monitor stops beating, recitation attempts are given, the doctor calls the time and pronounces you that is all she wrote! Unlike on the stories McDreamy will not walk into the Er, suddenly realize he was the cause of your stress, say something sappy, begin to cry, heroically thump you in the chest and your heart just starts beating again.
Your Health and Your WELL BEING are TOP PRIORITY! REMIND YOURSELF I WILL NOT STRESS MYSELF TO DEATH.
Choose your battles carefully, is this situation going to kill you? Will your life end if you don’t yell? Who is going to benefit from your yelling and screaming? No one thus, its a tactic that must get scratched from our to do list. It serves no purpose other than allowing neighbors to know of dysfunction.
Lets Retry This:
Close the door! Walk back down the stairs and take deep breath. Unless you have a hard time finding a parking space, I suggest you may have to drive around the block depending on your level of near explosion. But don’t let this ruin your night. Walk around around the block. Walk to the corner. Walk until you reach a nice even number that allows you to take a deep breath without you hearing your heart beating in your ears. Your goal is to reach a state of calm that allows you to think rationally.
Don’t give yourself a gray hair if you don’t have too! Trust me when I say World of Warcraft is not going any where, but the children can get bathed, dinner can be cooked and your bath time get away is still there! This situation is salvageable without you ending up on the nightly local news!
TIPS FOR STAYING SANE AND SOME WHAT RATIONAL
1. Find a Mantra to calm your nerves….I.e 1.2.3. Jail is not for me! Find calming words to say to your self, to bring your mind and blood pressure back into a calming state. It does not have to be words, humming to yourself may work for you. The goal is working towards a state of calm. If you want to say watermelon over and over to yourself until you begin to feel less like Freddy Kruger and more like Barbie this will just have to do.
2. Think of something positive that happened in your day or that was said to you. Think of something that you did that was recognized, or something that you said to someone else that was positive. Positive thinking brings peace. Think of something peaceful. If your day was filled with things that you don’t want to remember think of a peaceful place you saw, or better yet envision a peaceful place you would like to go. Use each one of your senses to remember this place. What does this place smell like? Can you feel the warm salty air lightly brushing against your neck? Can you taste the sweet tropical pineapple smoothie you just ordered? Can you feel the silk fabric of your summer skirt tapping against your skin as you lounge in your beach chair? The sand in between your toes? Even if the closest thing to a beach you have is your children’s playground. Feel the peacefulness that thinking of this place brings to you. Grab on to that state of calm and hold it close to your chest until you can feel it all through you.
3. In order to reduce stress, try to visually asses before you verbally address! Thinking of the example stated previously, what little you may have glimpsed. Nothing that you saw was life threatening. Nine Eleven (911) did not need to be called, so there is no need to rush back in the door like a gang buster. If no one was starving, naked or bleeding, then perhaps the solution was to simply change your nightly routine. Maybe you need to go into the bathroom, with some candles, soft music on your MP3 Player, armed with a good book. Since everyone else has had their Zen moment, you need one too. After you have reached your state of calm, then ask your husband whats the status of dinner and the kids homework. You may be surprised to learn that it was already done, and dinner was waiting in the microwave.
Asses the situation, and act accordingly. If there is no fire, then why raise your blood pressure and your stress level for no reason? Categorize each situation, rationalize how you would handle it if you just rushed into it, and then study that for a second and give your self a do over! How could you handle it differently. Try to always look and listen first, speak second, act third! We often times say words that we wish we could take back in Anger. Try not to put yourself in this type of position. A simple assessment often times eliminates this problem. Remember Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
4. Be OK with leaving things undone! This is OK. End your day with yourself in a calm state. This may mean laundry undone, dishes in the sink, a husband who is eating breakfast for dinner. Always try and keep methods of achieving a state of calmness on hand, this could be tea, candles, whatever calms you. If cooking pancakes and eating fresh crispy bacon for dinner is what will bring you to your Zen state, then all is wonderful in the world of you.
Stress Does Not Have To Ruin Our Lives!